Hello – my name is Martin and I am an alcoholic. I come from a fairly large family of six kids. Our home life was not what I would call normal. Dad was an addict alcoholic and my mom was controlling, over-responsible, and somewhat a religious fanatic.

I discovered alcohol and drugs at the age of twelve, around the time of my parents’ divorce. Alcohol and drugs fixed me, made me feel like what I thought everyone else felt—confident, sure, and happy. It also became a connection with my dad. I took care of him, and he became my drinking and using buddy. He initiated me into a life of crime, taught me how to avoid responsibilities, and led me into the double life of an alcoholic.

I kept taking bigger risks in my life, either while intoxicated or to get drunk. I hoped I could just somehow get it together, manage my life, but it never happened. I tried to stop drinking and using when I was sixteen. Things got very bad with me and my dad, but even after getting away from him, I couldn’t stop. I thought there was no way I could live without drinking.

I thought joining the Navy, getting married, and getting the right job would make my life better, but as usual, I kept drinking and using. I loved the effect of alcohol, but it was always a roll of the dice what would happen when I started drinking. Sometimes I would make it home, sometimes I would end up in jail, sometimes I would drink and drive with my four-year-old son in the car.

The end finally came when I found myself at work, hungover to the point of still being drunk, working on an airplane and realizing I could be responsible for causing someone to crash their airplane. I could have killed my four-year-old son driving drunk. I could have ended up in prison because of drugs and alcohol. When I realized all of these things, I was completely gripped by terror and anxiety, seeing that I was out of control and unable to stop. Looking back now, I know that day at work was the most important day of my life.

I finally gave up and sincerely and honestly asked for help. I was willing to do whatever it took. That day, I left work before anyone could see me. On my way home, I prayed because I knew there was nothing I could do. I didn’t know what to do, but I did know I could not fix my life—I could not stop drinking on my own.

When I got home, I called my boss and told him honestly about my drinking, that I had to stop working on aircraft, and that I needed to get some help before someone got hurt. He helped me get in touch with a treatment facility where I dried out for the last time.

In treatment, I struggled with the decision to enter long-term treatment and leave my son for up to 18 months. I was shocked when asked to leave the short-term detox program and wait for an open bed in the long-term program. I was two weeks sober, with no job, no money, and no idea what I was going to do, but I still wanted to stay sober more than anything.

Before I left detox, my counselor told me to find A.A. and go to a meeting every day, which I did as soon as I got home. Every day, I called the treatment facility to see if a bed had opened up and spoke to my counselor, and every day she said, “Still no bed.” Then she asked if I went to a meeting.

I went to an A.A. meeting every day, got a sponsor, and started reading the A.A. book. This was my only focus each day—go to a meeting, call about an open bed in treatment, and call my sponsor. To my amazement, I went thirty days doing this and stayed sober.

When my counselor at the treatment center asked how many days I had sober, I told her 45. Then she said, “Why don’t you just keep doing what you’re doing and forget about treatment?” So I have—for 26 years. Not a meeting every day now, but at least a few a week.

When I first started in A.A., they said to take it one day at a time because staying clean and sober for just one day is all we can do. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is not here yet. I also did what my sponsor suggested, and we worked the steps. I learned about the disease of alcoholism and the solution to all my problems—dependence and reliance on a power greater than myself.

My life is better than anything I could have imagined when I first came to A.A. I married an amazing sober woman, raised my son, finished college, and most days I fear nothing or no one. I live and work in The Netherlands and am more comfortable than I could have imagined.

All these things I owe to A.A. But most of all, it’s the inner peace and connection I have with myself and my higher power that keeps me sober and sustains me one day at a time.